One of the earliest ideas I learned in graduate school was that people want to love and be loved and feel worthwhile to self and others. It’s a simple idea that has stayed with me over the years.
For me, TO LOVE means to learn who am I, to love and respect myself, and to have enough balance to know what I could change and grow to become even more balanced and healthy. Love does not bring sadness, pain, or suffering… so loving myself would involve choosing thoughts, behavior, experiences, and people that allow acceptance, self-awareness and light.
Intimacy with myself becomes ‘into me see,’ and I develop a closeness and friendship with Amy first. She becomes someone I care for, want to know, and treat with consideration. This doesn’t involve discounting others or being self-centered. It does involve getting close to what I call my God-essence, who I deeply am. What do I like, what not so much… what are my preferences?
Then, after self intimacy, I can be more successful with BE LOVED. Being loved involves relationships with other people — looking/seeing into them and letting them see into me.
How can I see into you when I cannot see into my own self? So the more I love, know and respect my own self, the more I can love, know and respect others. And the more I love myself, the stronger and safer I can feel to let others see into who I truly am.
I think it’s rare that we wake up wanting to have conflict or disagreements with others. But as we may not have loved ourselves or know how to, we can cross paths with others who also don’t really know or love themselves. Ka-blam!
From childhood, we often form an identity based on the lens of seeing ourselves through others. It can be very helpful to spend time reflecting or meditating on who we were as an infant, what messages we got as children and how that’s played out in our adult life. Through this process, often most successful when done with a teacher or guide, we can journey into joy- which is really the essence of who we all are.
Into me see: inside me and you is joy. Maybe it’s evident and maybe it’s clouded, but it’s there. As you journey, explore your own self. That’s a great adventure and a great discovery!
