It’s that time of year again. If my therapy office is ever quiet, it isn’t during the holiday season. It seems that normal stresses get magnified during the period after Halloween until New Year’s and sometimes lasting through Valentine’s or Mother’s Day! Yikes: that’s a lot of time lost to stress and dis-stress!!
It seemed only right for me to offer a public service guide to managing this time of year, when both expectations and disappointments seem to grow exponentially.
Let’s start with a definition:
out·law/ˈoutˌlô/
Noun:
A person who has broken the law, esp. one who remains at large or is a fugitive.
For the purposes of this expedition, we’re going to use the word ‘outlaw’ to encourage readers that it’s okay to break whatever family laws no longer suit you. Keep in mind, members of your posse may want to run you off, hang you or tie you up. But you’re going to learn how to live beyond the holiday laws you may have inherited… just the ones that leave your stomach feeling like it ate a cold can of beans cooked on a dirty campfire griddle.
The first step to being a holiday outlaw is to decide what you want out of the holidays. Intention is a big chunk of the issue. Do you want to lasso and hogtie some family member and finally convince them you are right? If you said “Yes!” then expect a shoot out at the ‘I’m Okay BUT You’re Not Okay Corral.’
Or you could set an intention for inner peace. Even a dangerous outlaw like you could use a little seasonal inner tranquility. Don’t let family get togethers draw you into a duel – sometimes the best fight is no fight. A wise outlaw knows when to put their gun away. Think about how accepting others and then deciding how you want to act could change the whole drama.
If you’re traveling to foreign territory, plan an activity you’d enjoy. Visit someplace on the way or while there that would bring you pleasure. What or where is your company store… the place to get the gingham fabric or lollipops?
Sometimes others won’t like it if you want to go your own way. You can invite them along or reassure them
that you’ll do something together when you return. Visiting family long distance doesn’t mean you’re a captive.
Whether you’re staying at your own campsite or traveling to another, take provisions. Does this mean taking your own sheets, blankets, pillows, food? Well only if those things would make your expedition more pleasurable. Beyond that, put things that nourish you in your saddlebag- a candle or incense, a good book or your music, snacks you love, whatever will bring a smile when your outlaw in-laws are driving you to stick hot pokers in your eyes!!
If you stay at home, set limits and delegate. If your homestead is the gang’s destination, set a schedule – even if it’s a loose one. Include activities and down time that meet the needs of your visiting cowhands. Think about who likes to do what and assign tasks for people to complete – whether it’s dicing carrots or walking your dog, people will often help if asked nicely. If not, it’s to the stockade for them.
If you’re a more lonesome cowboy or cowgirl, don’t fret. Think of all the shoot outs you’re thankfully missing. All adventures differ, so make yours enjoyable. Remember holidays are just opportunities to have time off (hopefully) and a way for you to reflect on your blessings and desires. Think less of how things “should” be. Think more of that cowhand sitting by the campfire, hat tipped over eyes, chewing a blade of grass… ponder what trails you want to follow and use the time to map that out.
The best training to become a holiday outlaw is to know that you’re on a trail… it’s a happy trail. Or at least it can be. Take the holiday law into your own hands, then you’ll feel at home whether you’re really at home or out on the range!
Beautiful imagery in this article Amy. As we age and lose loved one’s who have passed along we often realize how much all of these feeling’s are small stuff.
Thanks for helping us keep matters in prospective.